There are so many rules:
Don’t say you have chubby thighs
in front of your teenager,
Eat your kale and quinoa,
In fact you may as well be vegan,
Put down your smartphone,
but be sure and call your mother daily,
Feign interest in what everyone has to say,
But don’t let all those perfect, blissed-out,
Facebook pictures & vacations impact your mood,
Listen to music,
but not that kind, and not so loud,
it’s bad for your ears and gives you cancer,
A glass or two of red wine
every night is good for your heart,
but then again that makes you an alcoholic,
so don’t drink,
Speaking of drinking,
let’s get together for coffee,
Orangemochafrappuccino,
Mini, non-fat, less than 100 calories,
wait…don’t talk about calories or carbs,
Get to the gym,
but don’t work out too much,
like the 96-pound lady who is there every…single…day,
with the leather-like-too-tan skin,
big hair, and 80s legwarmers,
She’s a weirdo,
looks like she may have an obsession,
with the older gentleman,
Now that you mention it,
date someone who is just the right age,
No one knows what that means,
but it’s part of the rules,
he should be moderately wealthy (at least),
however, if he’s a dick to you,
or if he looks strange when he chews his broccolini,
dump him immediately and date someone else,
It just wasn’t meant to be,
you’ll get over it,
don’t mourn for too long,
nobody likes to be around:

complainers,

downers,

depression,

so happy, happy, happy,
that’s the most important
rule to which you should adhere.